thoughts on self-love

I like to think of self-love as foundational to the relationship with ourselves, but also our relationships with others. You may have heard the phrase, “you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself.” But I wonder, why is that and is this entirely true? In a nutshell, if we do not have a practice of providing ourselves with appreciation, unconditional love, and feelings of self-worth, we may seek outside parties to haphazardly fulfill these needs for us. Self-love is a life-long process where you may have some good days and bad days. Looking for some words of self-love inspiration? Click here friends. You may have heard of the book and organization, “The Body is Not an Apology.” Sonya Renee Taylor also has a student budget friendly workbook for radical self-love based upon Sonya’s self-love philosophy. If you’re curious to check it out, click here! The truth is, no matter how much a significant other (be it friend, partner, or family member) loves us–and shows us their love through words and actions– we can better receive love if we know what makes us feel loved. Click here to take The Love Language Quiz. After the quiz, you will have a better picture of what your love language is and how you express your love to others. 

sexual health check in

The World Health Organization defines sexual health as “a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity.” Positivity and respect are required for healthy sexual encounters, meaning that the sexual experiences should be free of violence and/or coercion. 

Sexual health is key to your overall health, and especially to the emotional aspects of your health. If we’re going to have sex, we should do so in a way that supports a healthy sex life! Not solely the physical aspect of preventing & treating sexually transmitted infections (STI’s), but also in the emotional wellness aspect.  A pre-sex check in can help us understand what we hope to gain from the sexual connection, and if it’s a good time to engage in sex. Here are some questions to reflect on when practicing emotional wellness in conjunction with sexual health is to check in with yourself prior to sexual connection:

• “What am I feeling?”

• “What am I willing to share with this person(s)?”

• “What is my safe word?”

• “Do I want to have a sexual experience with this person(s)?”

3 Self-care tips for busy students

1. Sleep!

As students, we may find ourselves burning the midnight oil. While it’s tempting to procrastinate and stay up late to catch up on work and/or assignments, we must prioritize our sleep. According to Harvard Medical School, sleep deprivation negatively affects your mental health. Even with a busy school schedule, it’s even more crucial that students make sleep a priority. Have a certain time at night where you unplug from your phone, work, school, etc. The CDC mentions various recommended hours of sleep per age range. Click here to see where you fall in this recommendation. If you find that getting to bed on time is challenging, try blocking out the time when you must sleep & try to plan your responsibilities around this. There are certain stages in life where sleep deprivation may be temporary (newborn parents, I see you!). Even so, think how you can get creative to add extra sleep time, or improve your quality of sleep. I incorporate 5 minute relaxation meditations before bed and notice that going to sleep and staying asleep is easier over time.

2. Practice mindfulness in small ways.

As social work students, we have a lot on our plates! Between practicum, school, family, and work if applicable, we spend much of our time focused on improving the lives of others. It’s important to focus on the small parts of our day that can bring us joy. Do you enjoy coffee or tea while you work or study? Turn your beverage making process into a ritual for yourself. A time where you can focus on crafting your drink and then slowly sip to savor. Think about the different notes you taste– caramel, crisp apple, cinnamon, dark chocolate. Your morning coffee can become a moment where you practice mindfulness before jumping into the madness of the day. Not a huge fan of caffeinated drinks? That’s okay! Try this mindfulness tip when you eat your next snack, meal, or candy. Take a moment to look at your food, observe the different colors or lack of different colors. Once you take a bite, feel the foods’ texture, notice the different flavors your dish offers. If your food item comes pre-wrapped, take a moment to also look at the wrapping, perhaps read it, or touch to feel the wrapping texture.

3. Commune with those who support you.

In honor of October as LGBT History Month, let’s talk about LGBT+ social safetynets. As an LGBT+ student I recognize the importance of being in a supportive community. Community may look like joining an LGBT+ student organization on campus, following LGBT+ groups or individuals on social media, and attending events created by and/or for LGBT+ people. Similarly, unfollow groups/individuals that are not uplifting.

LGBTQ+ Affirmation

Transgender mental health, drag, and affirmations for hard times

This past week we heard news that Tennessee passed its anti-drag bill which bans public drag shows. With similar bills being introduced to legislatures across most of the US South, I feel extra concern these days for the LGBTQ+ community, particularly the transgender community. Ignorantly misguided politicians making laws that harm the mental health of trans & non-binary folks is alarming. Knowing this, we must think critically about policy that explicitly oppresses gender expression, and gender-affirming care. According to a recent study from the Stanford School of Medicine, we know that trans teenagers who began hormone therapy earlier were less likely to:

1) Experience suicidal ideation (SI)

2) Substance use disorders (SUDs)

3) Experience major mental health disorders

If you’d like more information on the US trans community, click here to check out reports from the US Trans Survey. The last reporting period was in 2015, with their 2022 survey closing last December. As social workers, it is our responsibility to abide by the social work code of ethics. We are bound to treat clients with dignity and see the worth of the person. My values bind me to provide evidence-based care without discrimination to our trans and non-binary clients. Reflect upon or journal this: how are you advocating for the LGBTQ+ community? Or, how do you want to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community?

Here are some Trans-affirming affirmations to help uplift you:

• Education is the cure to transphobia

• I am allowed to be my authentic self

• My trans body is beautiful

• My dysphoria is not me

• I am safe in my non-binary body

• As I understand my transness deeper, I invite others to understand me more deeply

• I am supported on my transition journey